What To Expect When Your Wife Is Expecting

I've been reading the "What To Expect When You're Expecting" series lately.  When I was still single, I thought these books were simply informative and, well,  cute.  I did not even remotely think that I was going to read up on the series.  There is the original "What To Expect When You're Expecting" and a host of other books that complements the original like, "What To Eat When You're Expecting". While these books also discussed the participation of the fathers in the pregnancy and birth, it was all just discussed in passing in an Oh-by-the-way fashion.

I thought it'd be nice if they also wrote for the father and concentrated a little bit more on their needs and anxieties.  I know. You may already be protesting and saying "but you're not the one who's carrying the baby and not the one who will give birth!" True but I thought these books would be nice for us fathers too. Here goes:

1. What Not To Expect When She's Expecting (hmmm...).
   
2. What Not To Eat When She's Expecting.
3. What Not To Say When She's Expecting. (How to be nice even if she can't be.). 
4. What Not To Do When She's Expecting. 
5. What Not To Watch On TV When She's Expecting.
6. What Not To Have Her Smell When She's Expecting. (Lest you get pushed away.).
7. How Not To Vomit When She's Vomiting. 
8. How To Try Not To Snore While Asleep When She's Expecting. 
9. How Not To Move Too Much When You're Beside You're Wife Who's Expecting. 
   
10. How To Prepare Food At 3 AM While Half-Asleep When She's Expecting. 
11. How To Hunt For Hard To Find Foods When She's Expecting. 
12. How To Sing  Lullabies To A Big Tummy. 

There's plenty more book titles I'm sure. I'll have more new titles soon.  Feel free to add.

Mr. Sensitivity

I realized I'm a little bit edgy and irritable these past 3 months. Good thing the pregnancy books we bought and the web pages I browsed explained to me the complexities of the Couvade Syndrome I've been experiencing. The increased appetite, sluggishness, irritability and lack of patience are the dominant feelings I've been experiencing lately. My brother sarcastically says I've found a convenient excuse to raid the refrigerator and binge on the leftovers. Well, he may be oversimplifying it but then again he is not entirely wrong...and it irritates me to accept that.

Anyway, back to talking about irritability. Watching television is perhaps the best way to de-stress and relax. Incidentally, Philippine local television has done the opposite. I have been succesful at avoiding hearing the sound of the voice of Boy Abunda, or worse see him on TV. Sundays have been stress free if and when I am away from the TV in the afternoon. Now, they gave him more airtime. We all now get to see Boy Abunda (and his sensitivity) on TV every F#%@*ing weeknight! Let's see...we get to see him weeknights...and then we see him on weekends, too. Hey, we see the bloke everyday! What is the world coming to? Is this country running out of talents? I sure hope not.

My wife is laughing her head off listening to me talk about this. This Couvade syndrome can be sarcastic indeed. Inhale. Exhale. Owmmmm....Forget it! I'm raiding the ref! You want anything? The Angel and the Boy. The Beauty and the...ummm... Sensitive guy.

The Most Sensible Diet Program

The Couvade syndrome I've been experiencing is in full swing. Hopefully, I'm about to experience its tail-end along with the end of my wife's first trimester. I've been packing on the pounds and feeling the sluggishness.

This email made my Monday more bearable. Interesting points of view. Read and laugh: Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.