The Doghouse

Did your wife like (love) what you got her for Christmas? I hope she did. For ages, it feels like there is a mystery that shrouds the activity of gift giving to wives. There is always an anxious uncertainty as to what husbands get for their wives for special occassions. This video illustrates my point. I hope husbands enjoy watching this... and LEARN in the process. Watch and learn, men! I got my wife a true pair of Cockatiels (lovebirds) in a nice cage. Good thing she liked it (gulp). Honestly. Thank God.

Couvade Syndrome

I'm a first time father. So this is the first time my wife and I are experiencing paglilihi symptoms. I've always thought the concept was exclusive to Filipino culture and families. I was mistaken.

This is interesting. Read on: Couvade Syndrome Sympathetic Pregnancy

By Robin Elise Weiss, LCCE, About.com

Pregnant Women painting by Steve Gribben Dads, have you ever noticed that you were gaining weight along with your partner's pregnancy? Do you find yourself feel queasy at certain times of the day? Have you experienced appetite changes? Then you may be experiencing Couvade Syndrome.

Couvade comes from the french word couvee meaning "to hatch". It has come to mean a man having a

"sympathetic pregnancy." Yes, ladies, this means that your partner could start to vomit, gain weigh

t, and have many of the "joys" associated with pregnancy.

Generally, couvade syndrome begins in the end of the first trimester and increases in severity until the third trimester. The only known cure for couvade is -- birth.

Some people have doubted the reality of couvade syndrome. These doubters say that the weight gain that the father may experience is caused by the eating habits of the mother, nerves, or other changes that pregnancy makes in one's life. The vomiting? Of course, that is blamed on nerves, too.

What do the dads have to say about this? They don't know what to think about vomiting, weight gain, and changes in sexual appetite. How can you tell everyone at work that you need to lie down because you have morning sickness?!? And, of course, they would stop vomiting if they could.

This is something that has been researched and found to be quite real. Some men are more susceptible to couvade than others. For instance if you and your partner have experienced infertility or if you were adopted, you could be more likely to experience couvade syndrome.

So, guys, know that you are not alone, and that you have the medical community backing you up. Eat some crackers, get out of bed slowly, drink some ginger tea and try to get a bit of rest and know that birth is right around the corner.

And don't shove her out of the way of the toilet!

Enjoying the munchies

I've probably packed on 2 pounds in 5 days. At that rate, I could really get rotund before the first trimester of my wife's pregnancy ends. Sure, there was the noche buena dinner(s) and the dessert(s) that goes with them. Not to mention the left over meal(s) that are obligatory to consume to make sure there are no wasted food items. Also, I make sure that there is enough space in the refrigerator for new food stuffs that need refrigeration. Hence, I had to eat all the leftovers (the still good ones and the about-to-turn-bad items). I'm a dutiful husband, homeowner, and cook. My wife, for a month now, has the munchies. It's characteristic of pregnant women going through their first trimester. Everything and anything she craves for I have to eat, too. Of course, I need to taste them first. Then if she can't finish them, I come to the rescue. Hence, I have the munchies, too. I can't say I'm not enjoying it. I'm loving every minute of this. I have 2 options:

1. Run 3 miles a day and lose my progressively protruding gut while controlling the munchies.
2. Keep eating till I pack on enough pounds (and get launched to the sky as a new planet) and empathize with my wife's equally progressing tummy size.

I'll definitely take option 1... in January 3, 2009. For now, I've to finish the Christmas leftovers and the coming New Year's leftovers from media noche. Try the Sans Rival! Life is good.

We're Pregnant!

After 4 weeks of enjoying:

• Big meals motivated by bigger appetites.
• food cravings and/or aversions.
• Midnight/dawn snacks.
• Unannounced pinching and biting frenzies (my wife has been feeling gigil at me. So she bites and pinches me for no apparent reason).
• Sleepy episodes with dizzy spells.
• Long siestas.
• Farting/burping tournaments.
• and a 6-day delay of her menstrual period...

... my wife and I finally decided to buy a pregnancy test kit. The instructions suggested to take the test in the morning as the amount of hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) in the urine is high and that will help indicate if its positive or negative. We bought the test at 11 PM after a hearty snack (we still have the munchies). I asked my wife if she could take it now as I was obviously anxious. She said no. I didn't get a blink of sleep. She slept like a baby even if she slept a long siesta. Finally she awoke at 5 AM as she felt a strong urge to urinate. I jump to my feet and reached for the pregnancy test kit. She laughed at my excitement. After 3 minutes, she opened the bathroom door smiling from ear to ear with eyes glistening. Then she gave me a tight hug. TWO LINES! POSITIVE! WE'RE PREGNANT! I felt as if my heart went tachycardic and almost imploded. My soul seemed as if it pirouetted like Baryshnikov. I'm going to be a tatay soon! I said a silent "thank you, Lord" prayer... and a silent good luck for yours truly. This is the best Christmas. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Zen Husband

Zen and Buddhism (or Zen Buddhism) has been constantly misconstrued and mistaken for a religion ascribing to a certain religious philosophy. Truth be told, a friend who practices Zen gently explained to me that it is a way of life...simply a choice to live life in the most harmonious of ways possible. My brother, though staunchly Roman Catholic, has somewhat chosen to walk the path to marital harmony in Zen fashion. Being married for 18 years, he has earned the right to be called a master who is well versed in the art of harmonizing marriage with special yet modified attention on the shopping activities of his significant other. I've a lot to learn (or unlearn) from him. It goes without saying he has mastered the Jedi-like skill of subliminally saying "Yes, dear!" while actually saying "Naaah, I'll pass on that, dear". His comment on my previous post is too good to pass up as it is post-worthy by itself. Chris Butler, a.k.a. Jagad Guru would be proud. His take: "Husbands with ten years or more on-the-job training usually enlist the enthusiasm of his wife's niece, ex-classmate, sis-in-law or relatives to that effect, who has the same mindset or common agenda to burn the aisles at Divi mall or 168. The game plan should be to identify a drop off and pick up point, which would be utilized at a pre-determined time, or at their beck and calling... give or take a few minutes after the much awaited SMS is received... A neophyte hubby, of course is still alien to this technique or still bashful to say the risky lines "see you in a couple of hours honey... text na lang!"

Crouching Shopper, Yawning Husband

The shopping crowds in the Divisoria malls were maddening. As early a 8am the shopping arcade of 168 were already filled with Christmas shoppers making a dire attempt to avoid the so-called Christmas rush. People in the aisles were packed like sardines trying to negotiate from one pasilyo to another.  The women, wives in particular, were all aglow and zoned in on the tasks at hand as they cross out names from lists on hand. Like contortionists, they'd move gracefully from one crowded aisle shelf to the other with relative ease whilst sticking to the game plan of hunting for bargain buys.  They shove each other ever so subtly and simultaneously haggle with Tsinoys and provincial lasses in broken Tagalog. Target, dig, crouch, squat, sort, choose, negotiate, pay, pack, then onto the next stall with deceiving precision...amazing.  Behind every woman shopper is a bag carrier with bell boy/concierge demeanor. Said bag carrier is usually garbed in short pants and plain shirt as if he was dragged from his bed, roused from his Sunday slumber to step up to the noble task of shop items hauling.  It is interesting to note that these males (usually a husband or a boyfriend) wear the blank why-am-I-here-look on his face as he hooks shopping bags one for each of his10 fingers, two on each shoulder, and one for the neck.  More interesting is the stark observation that these men seen en masse would intermittently yawn every 5 minutes or so. This would go on for about 4 solid hours. Interesting. 

Christmas Rush

I'll say it straight away. Christmas shopping is an overrated activity. I think it's a marketing ploy hatched by the evil geniuses of the tycoons who own the various gynormous malls. Who on earth would enjoy...?:

1. Walking like a cheap battery-operated robot taking hilariously small steps because of all the people you have to elbow and shove for proper positioning in the tight bargain aisles.
2. Smelling a cacophony of odors (i.e. body odor, and plastic and leather from China).
3. Carry 5 shopping bags (one for each finger) on both hands, 2 shopping sling bags on both shoulders, and 1 medium-weight shopping bag on your mouth (like a dog playing fetch).
4. Asking "How much?" or "Tawad naman" a gazillion times.
5. Waiting for your wife to pick THE ONE right color of fabric from among billions.
6. Inquiring in broken Tagalog from Chinese nationals who are probably illegal aliens.
7. Competing for parking space.
8. Waking up at 5am to get there by 7am.

I expressed my lack of interest when my wife asked me to go with her to Divisoria. I complained and told her about everything from the abovementioned. She then said: "I'll feed you at Waiying. Siomai, siopao, and Hakaw (Shrimp dimsum)...all you can eat!" Like a golden retriever hypnotized by a wet tennis ball, she made me say yes! Shyet!

But hey, I think it's worth it. Food at Waiying is worth a salivatory blog. I'll take pictures.

How To Talk to Girls: Tips from a 9-year-old boy.

Alec Greven is a 9-year-old kid who knows how to talk to girls... confidently.  Nope, it's not a typographical error he really is NINE years old.  I can hear the 20 to 30-something women say: "Awww... that's cute. Now what of it?"  Thing is, this 4th grader, pint-sized, future heartthrob is already a best-selling author. He wrote the simple-titled book "How to talk to Girls".  The clincher is, FOX (Yes, the movie company) has just bought from him the rights of his 46-page book/pamphlet.  With that kind of fame and fortune, the girls (and even guys) will surely want to talk to him.  Atta boy!    Fox to adapt 9-year-old's self-help book (Reuters)    LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Fox is ready to take advice from a 9-year-old. The studio has acquired the film rights to "How to Talk to Girls," a cute 46-page self-help tome written by Alec Greven, a Colorado fourth-grader. Greven wrote "Girls" as a handwritten, $3 pamphlet sold at his school book fair; he wrote it after he noticed his peers were having some trouble talking to the ladies, though the book is geared for all ages. Among this advice: Comb your hair and don't wear sweats; control your hyperness and cut down on sugar if necessary; a crush is like a love disease that can drive you mad; it is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry but are like cars that need a lot of oil. Soon enough Harper Collins picked up the book, which came out in November and quickly became a hit. But initially, Fox, which is like Harper Collins is owned by News Corp ., and its book scouts passed on the title. But when the book hit the town last week, garnering heavy interest from multiple parties, Fox stepped back in and took the book off the table. The deal was in the low-to-mid six figures . No writers or producers are attached yet.

Making Fun of Me

FACT: My wife is an elegantly beautiful lady gifted with gracefully impeccable yet modest class about her.

FACT: I am a handsome gentleman who is as classy as my wife.

FICTION: All my factual statements of self promotion and aggrandizement are always true and reliable.

Okay, you get the picture. I just thought I could be eloquent about circumventing the truth and/or separating fact from fiction. After 10 great months of marital bliss (i.e. honeymoon euphoria), I still get interesting remarks and nonverbal cues from friends and relations. Here are some of them:

1. "Ang ganda naman ng misis mo! Ano ginawa mo?" (Your wife is so gorgeous! What did you do?)
2. An old female family friend looks at my wife and says: "Ang pretty mo.". She looks at me, says nothing and just smiles. Then she turns to my wife again and says: "Ang pretty mo talaga!".
3. "Nabili mo na ba siya ng helmet?" (Have you already bought her a helmet?)
4. "Artistahin ang beauty niya!" (She looks like a moviestar!). The friend then looks at me and says: "Artistahin ka din..." (You look like a moviestar, too.) then bursts into boisterous laughter. I'm surmising she must have meant comic actor.
5. "Totoo pala talagang opposites attract." (It's true. Opposites attract). I have no comment to that.
6. The best I've heard so far: "Huwag kayo magsisimba kapag si healing priest Fr. Suarez ang pari, baka luminaw na mga mata ng misis mo." (Don't hear mass if Fr. Suarez, the healing priest is the celebrant. Your wife's eyes might get healed.)

Honestly, I don't get offended. I think it's downright hilarious how people jab you in the gut and try to make good fun of you. At the back of my mind I hear them praising me and feeling jealous for the wonderful fortune and love that has befallen me. My wife is a wonderful person and I'm grateful for this heaven-sent life (I'm also playing mushy air violin as i write).

I hope and pray our children will get her stunning good looks and intelligence...and I hope they inherit my oozing sex appeal and irresistible charm. No objections please or I'll destroy your reputation on my next post. Peace.

Avoiding the Buzz 2

I promised myself (and my wife) that I won't write about negative comments about TV personalities especially personalities on Philippine TV. I'll make good my promise.

After watching the Pacquiao - Dela Hoya lopsided fight yesterday, I got so tired after experiencing an adrenaline high. I fell asleep and woke up at about 4 pm. I turned on the TV while making doubly sure I surf past ABS CBN's the BUZZ. I had a satisfyingly restful siesta. I didn't want to ruin it by hearing the voice of...oh well...I promised.

I received a text message from our beloved family doctor and friend. She texted:"What kind of crap is Boy Abunda wearing? Its a Galliano but looks more of a 168 (Divisoria Mall) item on him. Nakakairita (Irritating / Annoying)!"

I just laughed. I'm a fashion ignoramus and our beloved doktora has irreverent wit characteristic of fashion critics and exemplary fashionista acumen. After much resistance and gnashing of teeth, I held my breath and scanned The Buzz and saw what she was talking about. My comment? Manny Pacquiao outboxed Dela Hoya! I'd rather receive Manny's left straight than risk a cerebrovascular insult looking at...oh well.

Whew...keeping my promise is really difficult. Lotus pose. Inhale...exhale...owmmmm...peace.

Yes, Dear!

My wife and I will be attending a binyag (baptism) on Sunday. Though I was not asked to be the ninong (godfather), I'm technically the baby's ninong since my wife was asked to be the official ninang. Of course, there'll be the usual reception lunch after the baptism. Fine food will be served in the company of good friends. It's going to be great and I'm sure it will be perfect. Riiiight...

I have one small problem though. Sunday morning, Manila time is Pacquiao-Dela Hoya fight night in Vegas! For sure, I'll be fidgety... and so will the other ninongs and male attendees. I bet the priest will be restless, too. The parish probably paid for pay-per-view in the church's multi-purpose hall.

Baptism ceremony is at 9am. Same time as the bell for round 1 will clang. I'm guessing husbands will either be late or not show up entirely.

I asked my wife: "Can I not go?" She looked at me expressionless. "You can bring the car", I continued, trying to be cute. She smiled at me. The kind of smile that only involved the lip and cheek muscles. I gave a nervous chuckle while she stared with her contrived smile. Awkward silence..."Just kidding", I said. "Have you bought our gift?" I laugh nervously. Then she gave me her sweetest most sincere hug...and smile.

I called my nephew and asked: "Can you record the fight?...And can I borrow your Phone with the TV?"

Survey Says!

My good friend, Ross Harper-Alonso, told me about this article written by Rina David of The Philippine Daily Inquirer. Ross, a couple of days ago, commented on the November 27, 2008 episode of The Family Feud on GMA 7. I wondered where modest doses of sensitivity went. I sighed and shook my head. Read on:

A ‘shameful’ disease? By Rina Jimenez-David Philippine Daily Inquirer First Posted 03:09:00 12/03/2008

Just a few days before the observance of “World AIDS Day” last Dec. 1, a TV game show proved how much work still needs to be done to change popular perceptions and attitudes about HIV/AIDS.

In the Nov. 27 episode of “Family Feud” (aired on GMA Network), host Richard Gomez announced that, based on a survey among an anonymous group of respondents, the most “shameful” disease to have was AIDS.

“I thought it was callous and irresponsible of the show’s producers to allow unverified and sensitive information like this to be aired on national television and abroad,” comments freelance writer Ross Harper. “Since 2000 I’ve been fighting to protect the rights of AIDS patients (or people living with HIV/AIDS) and change the stigma bestowed on them by ignoramuses. Geeez, with all the information available and advocacy going on in preparation for World AIDS Day, you’d think a celebrity and the show’s producers would be better educated by now.”

It’s especially ironic that Gomez would declare AIDS as the “most embarrassing” disease since he has had first-hand experience with the stigma that mere rumors about one’s HIV status could raise. If you will remember, in the early 1990s, rumors started going around that celebrities, including basketball players and actors, Gomez among them, had been diagnosed positive for HIV. At the time, HIV/AIDS was a relatively “new” disease, largely linked to homosexual sexual behavior although in a few years it would be revealed that most cases were being spread through heterosexual sex.

To prove the rumor-mongers wrong, Gomez went in person to the Department of Health, whose head was then Juan Flavier, and underwent an HIV test, making the results public and putting the vicious talk to rest.

* * *

Why would AIDS be the “most shameful disease,” at least based on the small sample taken by “Family Feud?” Is it because it’s a sexually transmitted disease? If so, then syphilis, gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and even cervical cancer—which is mainly caused by the human papilloma virus, which is spread through sexual contact—should lay equal claim to the “title.”

Is it because AIDS is infectious? So is tuberculosis or hepatitis, or SARS. Moreover, an HIV infection cannot be spread through the air or by casual contact, unlike the other diseases.

But what’s with this ranking of diseases by how “embarrassing” they are? Embarrassing to whom? Diseases are caused by viruses, bacteria, and errant cells, exacerbated by lifestyle, poor diet, lack of exercise and poverty. When someone gets infected by a virus or bacteria, is he or she to blame for getting sick? Of course not, not even if the infection is spread through sexual contact, unless one believes having sex is abnormal, or immoral.

Instead, we should be asking the public, including game show producers, what they propose to do about our most common diseases, many of which are preventable and curable by cheap and readily available drugs and public health measures. Recently, for instance, there was an outbreak of typhoid in a town in Quezon province, and it was found that the deaths and illnesses were caused by contaminated water. Who should take the blame? Not the victims, surely, but local government officials need to ask themselves what they did (or did not do) to ensure the safety and potability of their water supply. Such a simple, basic thing—and yet so many died. They should hang their heads in shame!

Walk the Dog

I walk my dog every chance I get. He's the type of dog who lounges at the hallways of my office building and does a great job imitating a carpet or a stuffed toy. Being a male golden retriever, its easy for him to intimidate people who are less knowledgeable of dog breeds. On the flip side, it's also easy for him to effortlessly impress folks who know how retrievers behave and interact.

When I was still single, his puppy good looks were a chick magnet. He'd evoke aawwws and aahhs, and how-cute-naman-your-dog-is remarks. Upon hearing those comments, I'd make eye contact with the ladies, smile pogi, and make my move...in my dreams. Good thing, I never scored with that method. If my dog could talk, he'd rat me out, shake his head and tell me how pathetic I am. If he could talk now, he might tell my wife how ridiculous my game plan was.

Anyway, every time I walk my dog Adam, he walks with a sense of purpose and heightened awareness. He barks at other dogs and people in greeting while vigorously wagging his tail, chews grass from the vacant lots, smells dried poop from other mutts and felines both friend and foe. He sniffs the neighbors cooking from their kitchen to the road. Aside from declogging his colon, his purpose is to observe, experiment, and participate. While I may not find it pleasurable to bark, chew foliage, chase wet tennis balls and smell white turd and other dogs' genitalia, I've a lot to learn from Adam's daily wonderment. I don't walk my dog...my dog walks me.

I smell my neighbor's adobo. I bet Adam is savoring it now.

Puerto Azul's faded glory

I Googled Puerto Azul Beach Club and Resort Hotel.  I was curious what other folks think of the once famous coastal getaway in Ternate, Cavite. I got this from http://philippinebeach.blogspot.com/2005/11/puerto-azul-beach-resort-cavite.html

  "Just got back from an overnight escape to Vista de Loro in Puerto Azul. It has gone from a Philippine paradise to what looks like North Cemetary!!! Grasses were either uncut or dead... facilities have broken down... even the club house was in bad shape! Palicpican Beach was empty and looked deserted! Does any one have info on what happened to that entire Puerto Azul compound?"

My sentiments exactly.  Truth is, my wife and I just got back from Puerto Azul's Vista De Loro Heights.  Though the condominium buildings still look functional, it could use some major repairs in terms of facade paint.  If its trying to present itself as a Greek coastal town, then some refurbishing with repainting would do a world of good for its projected image. 

My family and I had great memories of the place.  My papa taught me how to play golf in Puerto Azul's championship-Arnold Palmer-course. Even if my golf games were consistently disastrous, my enjoyment of nature's harmony with modern architecture brought a sense of amazed wonder.  With the exception of the fairly well maintained golf course, the hotel villas, club houses and major facilities looked like an abandoned compound that is perhaps now inhabited by ghosts and elementals.  My father would've shaken his head and made the "tsk tsk tsk" sound had he been still alive to see what I just saw. 

My wife's excited giggles and bright smile were my only consolation.  Had Puerto Azul been restored to its glorious history of 20 years ago, she would've shrieked with pure excitement.  My wife can see great things out of the ordinary, beauty even, in things that once was considered great.  I keep learning that from her.

Fuel Filling Tips

I just thought this information will be useful to all vehicle owners.  In financially challenging times, I sincerely hope your travel (i.e. road trip) plans won't be spoiled by the rising (sometimes fluctuating) cost of fuel.  I'm sure you'd rather hear your children ask "Are we there yet?" than not hear them at all due to your inability to compete with the attention they give to their online buddies.

A friend sent this useful information through group email.  I'm thankful that there are still people that are thoughtful enough to consider other people's general financial well being.  I just thought I'd pay this forward.  May you have enjoyable and safe road trips.  

Tips on Filling your Vehicles...

This is a Message received from a friend:

I don't know what you guys are paying for petrol... but here in Durban, we are also paying higher, up to 47.35 per litre. But my line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money's worth for every litre.

Here at the Marian Hill Pipeline, where I work in Durban, we deliver about 4 million litres in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline.

One day is diesel; the next day is jet fuel, and petrol, LRP and Unleaded. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 litres.

ONLY BUY OR FILL UP YOUR CAR OR BIKKIE IN THE EARLY MORNING WHEN THE GROUND TEMPERATURE IS STILL COLD.

Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground, the denser the fuel, when it gets warmer petrol expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening.... your litre is not exactly a litre.

In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the petrol, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products play an important role. A 1degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.

WHEN YOU'RE FILLING UP, DO NOT SQUEEZE THE TRIGGER OF THE NOZZLE TO A FAST MODE.

If you look, you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low,middle, and high. In slow mode, you should be pumping on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapours that are created, while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapour return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapour. Those vapours are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money.

ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT TIPS IS TO FILL UP WHEN YOUR TANK IS HALF FULL. The reason for this is, the more fuel you have in your tank, the less air occupying its empty space. Petrol evaporates faster than you can imagine. Petroleum storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the petrol and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation.

Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated, so that every litre is actually the exact amount.

ANOTHER REMINDER, IF THERE IS A FUEL TRUCK PUMPING INTO THE STORAGE TANKS, WHEN YOU STOP TO BUY, DO NOT FILL UP - most likely the petrol/diesel is being stirred up as the fuel is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.

Hope, this will help you get the maximum value for your money.

DO SHARE THESE TIPS WITH OTHERS! LET’S SHARE INFORMATION AND BENEFIT ALL, FOR THE BETTER OF MANKIND.

Compiled by Ramesh Patel on 16.03.2008

Things that make you go Hmmm 2

I watched the sports news on local TV during my lunch break. The Pacquiao and Dela Hoya fight is 10 days from now. Manny is still 6 pounds short of the weight class that he will fight in. On the other camp, Oscar is now maintaining his new yet much lighter weight.

As expected, both camps are already claiming premature victory. Freddie Roach seem really confident of Manny's heightened skills in spite of his elevated weight. While Oscar's shoulder portents to be a potential problem area, his camp is confident nonetheless.

Angelo Mirena a.k.a Angelo Dundee is Dela Hoya's new coach. He says Oscar can easily figure out Manny since Pacquiao has been a "one-sided fighter ever since".

Hmmm...One-sided? Did Morales, Marquez, Barrera, Ledwaba, Naseem, Velasquez, Larios, Diaz, etc etc etc. fought and lost against the same 'one-side'?

One sided....Rriiigght.

Shopping with Husbands in tow.

I got this from a sent email. The sender friend of mine is either bored at work or just trying to lighten up the mid-week blahs.

BANNED FROM WAL-MART...

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion

in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both

of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and

are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's

carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5-minute

intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

'Code 3 in housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of

M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted

area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other

shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from

the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying

and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a

mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked

the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming

the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ' Madonna

look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,

yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he

assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES

AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,

then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

We're Ovulating!

My wife and I went to the OB-GYN 3 weeks ago for a checkup. If you must know, I was also included in the checkup.  Though I was only interviewed by the lady doctor, I didn't have to be physically examined like my wife was.  Thank God.

The Asian Hospital and Medical Center in Alabang is the hospital we decided to have ourselves examined. Also, when we get pregnant, we want to give birth in a hospital where it feels as if you're visiting a classy hotel.  I want our baby to feel the luxury the minute he or she comes out into this world....Oooowkaaay...who am I kidding... you're right. I'm the one who wants to feel luxurious, my wife too.

Anyway, when it came our turn to see the doctor, I immediately felt calm, more like comforted. She was really nice to tell us that it's alright to not get pregnant yet on the eighth month of marriage. Doktora CJ (her nickname) told us we need to relax.  You know, that sort of spiel they give to newly weds trying to conceive.  What disarmed us was when she asked us to pray with her. Yes, pray...as in talk to God.  It was at that instant I felt we were in good hands. So we prayed with her for a successful conception.  This may sound sappy but that was the first time a doctor made me feel touched and blessed. 

Doktora CJ asked us to proceed to the ultrasound room. I was given orders to go for a sperm analysis but was instructed to take it (or give it) next month for if and when my wife gets her monthly period.  Hmmm...my own "swimmers" in a cup...interesting blog that would be.

We were prepped  for a transvaginal ultrasound. Actually, just my wife. I held her hand (give me some credit) and tried to figure out what the images on the TV screen were. The ultrasound doktora said: "You're ovulating!" I gave her a mildly excited "Yay!" and asked: "Ummm... What does that mean?" with a silly ignoramus grin on my face. My wife lovingly slapped my arm as if saying: "Idiot!" Then she gave us the summary of the diagnosis for us to relay to doktora CJ. 

My wife, upon reaching home, immediately texted doktora CJ the diagnosis of the ultrasound. The doctor replied: 

"Praise and thank God, u did ovulate. Pls hve sex 2nite and tmrw nite. And wl pray hard!"

Who said prayerful doctors are boring? I just verified it. God does have a sense of humor.

My wife and I had the best belly laugh that day.  Pray with us.  We'd like to bring children to this world that will contribute to the betterment of humanity, however small.  We hope you would, too.

I dozed off watching Hatton vs Malignaggi

Sunday noon is usually fight day (or fight night in viva Las Vegas) in lazy Manila time.  While we usually wait for our bulalos, sinigangs, and adobos to get cooked, my brother and I tune in to undercard fights of up and coming boxers.  On a good fight day, we can discover new fighters who may face a bright future in the sport.  Unfortunately, our very own Boom Boom Bautista's undercard fight did not impress the judges score card decisions in his fight yesterday against Heriberto Ruiz.  It's actually the Boholano's second loss in Sin City. Well, the guy  is young and he still has a lot going for him. 

On the other hand, the main event (Ricky Hatton vs Paulie Malignaggi) had big name celebrities witnessing the over-hyped event.  Italian stallion Sly Stallone and highest paid footballer David Beckham supported Malignaggi and Hatton respectively.  Yes, I did say over-hyped.  It was as if excitement got stuck in the Baccarat tables and decided to not attend the highly publicized fight.  Even if the MGM Grand Garden was packed and as noisy as a football stadium, the drowning chants of Englishmen sounded already celebratory as Hatton dominated the fight from the time the bell clanged for round 1. Paulie "The Magic Man" Malignaggi failed to show his magic. His lazy right hand seemed as if it took the whole day off. His double left jabs, though sharp and snappy, only slapped Hatton's face for mere points. In the end, them points fell short as well. In the 11th round, the fight was stopped at the request of Malignaggi's corner. His corner men waved their white towels to take him away from more punishment.  Besides, Malignaggi stopped throwing punches.  The Magic Man was dismayed.  So was I. He should've taken the fall. That would've made the fight less lousy.

While 'tis true that Hatton has the power, he does not have the lightning fast skills of Pacquiao.  Had it been Pacquiao that fought Malignaggi, The Magic Man would've kissed the canvas before the fifth round.  If this is the Ricky Hatton that is hungry for Manny Pacquiao, then the Hit Man needs a higher and faster caliber "gun".  The Pinoy Pac Man will gobble him whole, with his ho-hum skills.  

In my opinion, Hatton can whoop Manny's ass... in speaking proper English.

Nigella Bites: I've been bitten!

I enjoy watching cooking shows as much as I enjoy tasting new and exotic dishes.   There was a time when cooking shows were few and far between.  Philippine TV in the 70s and 80s even had shows placed only on Sunday morning time slots after televised Catholic mass and Christian TV evangelists. There was even one that had a Fookien-speaking chef.  As I expected, he was a fast and flashy chef that made utensils twirl like a majorette and pots make noise like it was New Year's in Binondo.  The problem was, he spoke and demonstrated in Fookien, and I neither spoke nor grunted in that Chinese language.  

Then Stepen Yan came.  Great cook, amazing showman. Though halting and a tad broken, he spoke good English...and he was funny. He entertained while he cooked, blabbering his mouth like a market vendor, and jabbing his spatulas flamboyantly.  In spite of all the showbiz he flashed, his recipes looked as appetizing as can be. Manila simply raved for Stephey Yan and his Wok With Yan show.  Everyone wanted a Wok in their kitchen. That Yan was the Man! 

When cable TV was made accessible to almost any home, cooking shows became a dime a dozen. The Food Network made a killing with all these chefs that showed off what they can show off.  Various chefs who were funny, had panache, or was simply snooty, all vied for cable viewers' attention. They exuded differing degrees of confidence and sometimes a bit of elitism.  

Then Nigella came. All the qualities of a TV chef I have seen, viewed, critiqued, lambasted, and even cherished have hit a hard and high yet invisible wall.  I was dumbfounded.  She's neither funny nor flashy. Truth is, I see no need for her to be. She had a face suited for royalty, eyes that saw through the camera and direct-hit any viewer, a body like a Greek goddess (Oprah calls her a Domestic Goddess), and a smile that could melt butter in a walk-in freezer.  One episode I watched (and attempted to comprehend), she was mixing this and that, and preparing a bevy of ingredients. In the end, she showed a cake. I was staring too much! No wonder the TV show did a lot of close ups on the ingredients and the utensils.  It is sooo hard not to stare at her! After every show, I'd end up feeling torn. I don't know whether I'm hungry or turned on.

On occassion, I'd have the initiative and energy to prepare the cuisine I recently watched. Not with Nigella's show. I can only gawk.  My wife finds it amusing that I have a crush on her.  Besides, she blushes everytime I tell her she looks like an Ilongga version of Nigella...but prettier.

Norah Jones and Elmo

In my previous post, I wrote about Sesame Street's influence on my childhood. I guess if I keep looking further back, I'm bound to rediscover something.

Well, I did rediscover something. At the risk of sounding stupid and stating the friggin obvious, Sesame Street influenced my adolescent life stage, too.

What am I getting at? Let me explain. I downloaded this video clip a couple of years ago. The first time I watched it, I was mesmerized like a Golden Retriever puppy to his first bouncing tennis ball. Something clicked. My inner child (or whatever psychoanalysts prefer to call it) held hands with my inner adolescent dude (or whatever title sounds "in") and hung out like they were long lost siblings. Elmo, who as far as I can remember was not yet "born" in the 70s, sat with jazz/blues siren Norah Jones while she played piano.

How did I feel when I was watching it for the first time? Honestly, both sappy and turned on. That was the second time I felt excessively sentimental and testosteronal at the same time. Elmo was cute, Norah's face and voice was sooo sexy. Hence, my Inner Child meets my Inner Adolescent bloke. Sesame Street writers are evil geniuses!

If you must know, the first time I felt that way was during my first Karaoke group date with my then future wife. I was a tickled Elmo that night... but that is an entirely different sappy story.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Finding humor in the stupidity of racism.

I was a Sesame Street baby, still am. I've been in awe of puppets ever since I got my first Rubber Duckie for my bathtub sessions.  I liked Ernie so much, I mimicked his silly laugh and declared my red and black striped shirt with matching suspenders my official uniform for any type of party.  My brothers have pictures to prove that.  A neighbor constantly ridiculed me and asked where Bert and his pigeons were. Anyway... when I understood the mechanics of the puppets, I had to get my own puppet.  I told my papa and he got me a Nog-Nog boxing puppet. If you were a kid who lived in the Metro Manila in the 70s, you know what I'm talking about. I enjoyed that for a while, and as expected the novelty quickly wore off. Then I got interested in ventriloquists and their puppets.  

Ventriloquists are hilarious people.  I've always thought their sense of humor bordered on the perverse and twisted since they represent themselves as individuals who could make a conversation work even if the conversation is between him and another inanimate puppet made animate by his talent.  You get what I mean, I'm sure.  You've seen ventriloquists since you were a kid. I you haven't, then you must have lived under a rock.

The hilarity of ventriloquism took on a new meaning when I saw Jeff Dunham on YouTube.  I thought, this guy is in serious trouble for his racist jokes which he projects on his character Achmed the Dead Terrorist. True, the jokes are racist but I think it made fun of racism and attempted to transcend the stupidity of racial prejudice. Consequently, it also somehow diffuses apparent tensions across ethnicities.

I'll shut up now...I might over analyze this and defend humor for humor's sake.  Twisted? Maybe...maybe not. I think I've outgrown the naivete of Sesame Street.